Does it matter? Really??

Let's pretend that you have a spouse,( husband,wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, with whom you live.)
Let's also imagine that you don't get everything you need from that relationship.
There is also many things you do get, that's why you stay together. But let's focus on that, what you don't get, for a while...
Here's a short list what kind of missings there may be:

1. Approval (on things you would like to do- to even who you are)


2. Attention (this is big, huge problem in many realtionships)


3. Affection (as tenderness)

There is 3 big A's to handle.. But there's more to come... The question behind all of those important things missing, is obviously: WHY? Why are they missing. They were there, but now they're gone. Where? (Well, those questions you have to ask from yourself.. )

If your life is missing some of the big A's you probably find yourself in situations where you have also lack of sex. And missing big O's too.. =)

Lack of sex, drives people into cheating (there is also other reasons for that..) fighting and arguing about, well about everything. So what can you do? You cannot stay in a-sex mood for too long. You're going to snap sooner or later.

Humans need sex. They also need food and water. If you can't get it in your relationship, what then? Well, you maybe find someone who is capable of giving you what you need. Or you have to try multiply times to find someone worthy.

Question remains, if you cheat, if you find some one who gives you, let's say the sex you're lacking, do you now have to end your relationship with your spouse? Or can you just live with it?

Celibacy, clear your thoughts?

It's been 6 months of celibacy. WOW! That is much when talking about me..

The first days are always terrible, then you gradually stop thinking about sex, and after while, it just crosses your mind and vanishes to backround.

Eventually you stop wanting. When that happens... It does not matter how long you are without sexual encounter after that.

The Buddhists, they were/are on to something. You get some sort of peace of mind when you stop wanting. (In any area of life)

Okay, really I wanted to talk to you about how the celibacy reflects to all relationships.

Nearly Every Spieces, Cheating Is The Rule- For Both Sexes!

I found this book,"The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People" by David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton (May 2002)
and I'm so liking it!!

But if you read it in public do not be disturbed with people looking you oddly and with disgust. =)
So if you can't deal with that, then read it in solitude
It's the world and the moral rules with humans.. we are supposed to be monogamous even though it goes against our nature. Well here's overwiev of it:

"Applying new research to sex in the animal world, esteemed scientists David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton dispel the notion that monogamy comes naturally. In fact, as The Myth of Monogamy reveals, biologists have discovered that for nearly every species, cheating is the rule -- for both sexes.

Reviewing findings from the same DNA fingerprinting science employed in the courtroom, Barash and Lipton take readers from chickadee nests to chimpanzee packs to explain why animals cheat. (Some prostitute themselves for food or protection, while others strive to couple with genetically superior or multiple mates.) The Myth of Monogamy then illuminates the implications of these dramatic new findings for humans, in our relationships, as parents, and more.

The Myth of Monogamy at last brings scientific insight into this emotionally charged aspect of the ultimate dating and marriage quandary."


The book mirrors my thoughts. The book does not tell you not to marry, but it brings out the reality.. If you do get married, don't think that wedding vows will automatically make you and your partner monogamy. it's studiet that monogamous relations are far more the exception than the rule.

David P. Barash and Judith Eve paraphrase the anthropologist Margaret Mead, who once suggested that monogamy is the hardest of all human marital arrangements.


"It is also one of the rarest," they write. "In attempting to maintain a social and sexual bond consisting exclusively of one man and one woman, aspiring monogamists are going against some of the deepest-seated evolutionary inclinations with which biology has endowed most creatures, Homo sapiens included."


Ofcourse they take in the fact that there is difference between humans and animals!!! :D

Can you give and take?

You will always here how you should give,give,give and give in order to receive. Well sometimes it feels like all you do is give and get nothing in return. Should you then stop and think about yourself for a while? Give to yourself!!

Give yourself the freedom not to be prisoner of your feelings.. Just aknowledge them and then let them just slide away. Because as long as you let your emotions get the most of you, by hanging on to good (or bad) feelings, that long you are prisoned by them.

I talk now mainly about feelings you feel whilst in falling in love. You have that special someone in your life, and you see the world differently, everything is beatiful when that special one is with you, calls you, mails you,etc. Your life seems easier and sky looks blue no matter what.. Know what I'm talking?

Now, STOP! Think about it! Make yourself aware how much you are giving power to this other person through your feelings?
Don't get me wrong, ofcourse you should enjoy about the happy feelings you are going through,but you should never be attached to these feelings. YOU are NOT the same as your toughts!

By attaching yourself to the emotions you are letting someone else to deside how you feel. I mean situation where the special one turns his back on you, treats you badly. Then you feel like your world comes trumbling down. But in reality it's you that is doing it. Nobody can be happy or sad for you. You decide how you feel. Darkness can never touch light if the light doesn't ask for it.

So be aware of your emotions, feel them, but let them go. Give yourself the gift of letting go, take the best of everything and be happy.

Think about that. It brings you freedom and inner peace. You are not the same as your feelings. Feelings come and go, you stay. ;)

Open relationship instead?

This is just the first little peek in my blog about this subject. Just that you know and don't judge me for this blog: I have been cheated and I know how that feels, but also I've been on the other side and know also how easily you may find yourself from that track.. (especially if things are not right in your relationship area )

I have wondered in this love wanting universe, that maybe love really comes by giving. Letting everyone be just what they really are. To enjoy one as they are. Not to force love anymore.

There is so much divorces and cheating that, maybe it's time to think differently and against the mainstream..